My body hurts because I haven’t been loving it as it would like. But now we’re on the same page better because I watched the video “The End of Inner Conflict” by Matt Kahn.

My healing journey began in my 20s. After the Western medical model failed to help me, a gifted healer helped me connect to the Earth as the Divine Feminine and begin to heal my relationship with my body and learn to trust its wisdom.

And while I’m really enjoying A Course in Miracles, it can be super ungrounding. (J, the book’s author, disavows both our bodies and our planet as “illusions.”) I’d throw that entire Course out with the bathwater except that it’s also proven to be such a key to free my mind and unlock what’s real behind all form.

Body, I hand you the microphone: What do you think of A Course in Miracles?

I love it. I love the connection with God you derive from it. Also, have you noticed that, whenever you start to forget about the body’s sacredness and the divinity of here & now, that —just in the nick of time—the exact right teaching comes to you to provide the nourishing feminine balance you need?

I nod vigorously.

First, it was “Power” by Zen Master Thich Nhat Hanh and gardening with Nature Intelligence with Perelandra. Then it was Matt Kahn’s book “Everything is here to help you.” It’s been Emma Back’s Soul Sound practice. The list goes on. Each time the Course leads me off-kilter, the universe says, “Go all gaga for God, AND then remember to keep the Goddess honored and alive and well. It’s in the balance of the divine masculine and feminine that all creation thrives.”

We hum with bliss and joy right here, when we tune into both our bodies and our spirits, in love with each other, entwined in the sacred dance that makes us all and the world anew every day.

My heart’s been yearning burning awakening, laughing.

In one moment, I feel two emotions. 1) Why did I come here!? (with anguish, pain, and a lot of whining) and 2) Relief to enjoy another day on this wild world in a body that loves me and who I adore.

I adore you, body. I’m sorry I’ve been so pushy.

Here’s the thing, says my body. I’m tired. We enjoyed a full weekend, and I’m still getting well. And, have you seen the world lately? I’m processing that entire enchilada in my heart, my lungs, my head and chest. Of course, I’m exhausted. And yet, when I do take the time to notice, my back also tingles in pleasure and expectation. It’s all going to be grand. Because God who loves me has a plan, and it’s unfolding exactly as it should, whether I can bliss out on it or not.

I’m going to try an experiment today. I will picture that God is both pilot and stewardesses of my journey today. I join the staff and say to my body in the first-class seat, “How can I be of service?”

Oh, she says, just rest and allow this delightful adventure to unfold. I fidget. I have a first-rate hard time NOT being the one in control. Matt Kahn said on yesterday’s video that our ego is just the part of ourselves that rebels against being in a body. I wept listening yesterday in compassion for those aspects of myself who jumped ship saying, “You’ve got to be kidding me. I am so out of here.”

Yes, yes, dears. Come home and stay. We must feel through everything so we can become the everything we are meant to become. It will likely feel like it’s too much, or like it’s going to kill you. It’s not too much, and you won’t ever really die. So it’s going to be fine. Breathe, breathe. Welcome home, children of God, into your life, this body, the finest temple, succulent and warm and willing and kind and gentle and aging and infirm or splendidly preposterously fabulous, all the above. I rest in thee, my own oak tree.

As my body and soul fuse, I cry again. “I thought I’d be safer out there,” I hear. “Not so much,” I say. Checking out of the temple just robs life of its beauty and its bounty.

I come home to live, for the joy in God available here and now in this Earthly home temple, my body. With infinite love, she lets me in.