Joy fills my heart. The cat races around the house at record speed. The dark night rises into a gray-blue dawn. Black trees in silhouette reach their bony fingers to the sky.
Deep, deep into meditation I went today, deep as I used to go before we got our kitten. During my journey, advice came:
Stay centered
Your beingness matters most now.
You are not Hercules.
As I went deep I once again reunited with my fierce will, and my anger. How will they serve the greatest good and how am I at peace?
My heart aches a little like I’m not quite getting this.
Let me try, my heart says and takes my quill.
I nod, for I am one who says yes to my heart.
You are not. You are just learning.
Yes, Mam.
She writes:
The meditation begins by the fireplace. It begins with two candles lit, one for community, the other for everyone in Ukraine and in all life to have our needs met.
Your beingness is most important now, I “hear.” I let that in.
I inhale to let it in again now. I unravel years of perfectionism to sit in the quiet dawn and know my worth even a little.
We are worthy of the stars. Each of us is. But we rarely remember. I remember now, and panic’s edge seeps off my morning like a receding tide. Thank you.
It’s all too much. It’s all not enough. It’s all just right, like the Baby Bear’s chair.
My inner masculine and feminine seem at peace with each other after years of healing and, most recently, from reading “Keys to the Kingdom” and “The Queen’s Code” by Alison Armstrong.
Everything transforms as I stop hating the masculine and begin to love him both within and beside me, and out in the world. This after first spending years learning to embrace the feminine.
Both the King and the Queen are needed within for each of us to complete our epic adventurous lives.
And I turn also to my beloved with renewed understanding, respect, and dedication to a true partnership.
I also learn-heard in mediation:
You’ve been mainstream to some degree because you could tune into that. But not anymore.
Your journey will now lead you off the beaten path (even more?) It will be challenging, because others may not know what to do with you.
I nod. That’s okay. I like my journey, for it’s all my own and also not about me. And for me as an artistic type from a kind of narcissistic lineage to finally realize my life is not about me is epic in itself. I am done defending my right to suffer and my separation. I join humanity as family, feel arms come around me, sense that my evolution has been waiting and hoping this would happen for a long time.
Yes, even we stubborn mules join the oneness of all life at some point, bow and are knighted even as we lay down our own swords.
Today, God/Goddess/Source/My Teacher took my sword and blessed it with restraint, with wisdom, and with love. It was already a blade of truth, and I shall use it in service to the good of all as I am called to do. But also, I can cook for the armies, sing them songs, joke with them, and all around enjoy nourishing and being nourished with the magic of the feminine also. Thanks in part to Claudia’s realizations toward the end of The Queen’s code, I at last recognize the balance needed for women warriors for light. Yes, we stand and protect the innocent, wield our blade exactly when that’s what we are called to do. But we also relax and savor time not having to fight or be accountable, time to be and laugh and receive and enjoy. Thank you.
It’s something I realized also during our Love Made Manifest class with Linda Green. That I would use my anger and power for the good of all to stand up for innocence everywhere. AND that when I wasn’t being called to do that I would relax like the laughing Buddha, I would experience Divine Oneness and Ecstatic Bliss.
Our beingness can open the gates for Heaven on Earth. When we stay centered. When we go deep into our own treasured worth, into our own blessedness, when we give up the struggle to fix everything and do everything ourselves and we be.
Blessed be! Long live both the King and the Queen, the He and the She, within all of us and in me. We reign together in partnership, a dawning new age of peace. And may justice prevail so that we all receive all we need to seed this new world in joy.
Amen.
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