Fidel Fernando on Unsplash

I go in deeper

My fingers sweat regret

My heart wrenches free of its cavity

The sound of solace rides my bloodstream

I am more creative than I once was and

Nothing is the same ever again

Agony dips its paintbrush

I smile through clenched teeth

I don’t know if I can do this

That’s all I know how to say

I respond over and over with

You got this, but I don’t believe it yet

Something strange and terrible in the wounded

pile of bird bones inside my featherless mess

I’d given up all hope of ever living again

let alone flight

But I am here

And I can’t give up now or everything will be lost

Recently, during meditation,

the universe encouraged me to have more fun

What comes up is its opposite

What’s in the way is the way

Still, I can eat corn and chocolate chips for breakfast

My guides cheer my orgasms

I am here, and there has never been anywhere better

I slip inside the moment:

My perfumed clam shell smile, these oysters brimming in every second

And the death of everything that I can’t take with me

I raise my hands. I raise them and lean back

and I dance